It was a pleasant Sunday morning and the 14-year-old curious Natasha went hunting for magazines she had spotted a few days ago, in the store room. She stealthily opened the door and scrounged for the small carton that had all the old magazines, hidden among which was her treasure. She quietly and patiently looked for it and there it was, beneath all the newspaper and books- ‘the Midnight Magazine’. The reason she desperately wanted it, was the sensual and erotic photographs of naked women in it. It intrigued her, somehow, to look at women’s bodies- the curves, the flesh, the thighs, and the smooth skin- and would make her feel “really good”. She hid it in her school bag and took it to school the next day.
The eighth graders were all too curious to see her magazine and it was circulated in the whole classroom. One of the students, Anamika, sat beside Natasha during the recess and tried to initiate a conversation regarding the magazine. With a lot of reluctance, and nervousness, she said, “Hey, that magazine is.. um.. you know, really interesting. Like you.” Natasha, startled to have heard that soft, nervous voice, added, “I know. I do not understand why but it made me feel something under my panties, you know? It is strange I am sharing this with you, but I wanted to touch it.” Anamika remained quiet, looking at her feet, and biting her lips. Then rang the bell and they went back to the class, to their science lessons.
Natasha returned home thinking about Anamika and how she bit her lip. She felt confused for not being able to keep away those thoughts and of holding her hand. She shivered at that thought. After a long, tiring, effort, she finally fell asleep.
The morning bell at school rang and everyone took their seats. Surprisingly, Anamika sat with Natasha, stealing glances at her and smiling. Both of them, nervous and curious, did not understand what to do. After finishing their half day classes, they both remained in the class during the break, while the entire class went out to play. It did not take them too long to entwine their fingers and feel each other’s pulses, the racing heart, and the urge to kiss. Anamika planted a quick kiss on Natasha’s lips and looked away. With silence, and a pulsing heart, Natasha remained seated and felt ashamed. The shame stayed on in her mind for quite sometime because she felt it was wrong. Since that day, they never spoke about it again, until three years later.
In 11th grade, both having taken the science stream, faced each other again. However, this time, Natasha had Prasenjeet in her life- her knight in shining armour and the passionate boy she craved. He was a new student in the school and had best of features- shining light brown eyes, broad shoulders, tall and fit, and extremely sexy. He met Natasha, now a beautiful young girl with fuller body curves, during a function at school and they both knew the love (read- lust) growing. The energy between them was irresistible and they could not help but meet after school again, to talk.
“Hey, you are?”
“Hi, I am Natasha. You? New student?”
“Yes. Barely know anyone. My name is Prasenjeet, I am from Bengal. Can you help me with the studies because I have missed quite a lot!”
“Oh, sure. Why not! Let’s meet tomorrow at my place at 5 pm?”
“Done! By the way, you are really cute.”
“And you are hot!”
Their conversations snowballed into a relationship with lots of wild and interesting sexual encounters. She could feel her insides squirm when he would kiss her with all the zeal and stamina. Her life, though, took a strange turn when she bumped into Anamika again, who had focused all her attention on her career.
Anamika had fuller breasts, a sensual waist, and beautiful eyes to die for. Her intellect added to all the sensuality she carried. Natasha recalled the magazine incident, and the feeling, the touch and the kiss. Neither had forgotten how it felt. She also found herself often guilty for watching lesbian porn. This time they met at a birthday party of one of their friends. Natasha could feel her heart racing again as she saw Anamika in that pretty little dress and all she could think of at that moment was to kiss her, with questions swimming in her head as to why this urge.
“Hi”, said Natasha.
“Hello,” smiled Anamika.
“You look really pretty. Sexy, actually,” Natasha laughed. They found a little corner to chat a little.
“You remember that magazine and class 8th?”
“I do. That magazine was something! Though I am sorry I kissed you without your permission.”
“That’s okay. It is confusing but I have similar desires right now and I do not understand it.”
“Me neither, but I want to touch you.”
Without exchanging anymore words, they held each other and hugged for as long as they felt comfortable. Anamika drew away the hair on Natasha’s face, holding her by the waist, and kissed her. They realized the energy that had been developing for years and things they always denied. Although it only brought in a lot more confusions in Natasha’s mind. She was in a relationship with a guy and was equally aroused by him as she felt with Anamika’s touch.
First thing that evening, she read as much as she could about the behaviour, trying to understand why it happened. She figured, after a lot of reading, that she was ‘bisexual’- sexually aroused by both men and women- and sat back feeling queer. The 17-year-old Natasha knew too little about it and had barely anyone to discuss. For about a year, she juggled with her emotions for both Prasenjeet and Anamika, looking for an escape or an understanding, or an elder to talk to. It was around this time that she heard about Pride Parade and the LGBTQ community. In a desperate urge to resolve her perplexity, she messaged one of the members from that community, who happened to be a bisexual. She also picked up the old ‘Midnight Magzine’, from her drawer and touched herself for the first time, fantasising those incredibly sensual women.
Find what happens next, in the second part of the story!
