Everything around the world is sex except sex” Oscar Wilde
While being in a long distance relationship the hunger for the feel of the bodily touch was very evident and desperate at times. In one of the late night phone talks, he was trying to discover my whole idea and “concepts “of being physical in the bed. It began something like this:
Partner: Are you wild?
Me: Yes I am wild ( my idea of being wild was then watching wildlife)
Partner: Do you watch wild kind of stuffs:
Me- Yes, of course, I watch NatGeo Discovery and all the wildlife series. My 1st movie had been Hatari.
Partner: sighs .takes a deep breath and said” anything more you want to add to the wild list”
Me: Not now might be anything new series. (that was a sarcasm question and I failed to understand :).
Next, we landed a job in the same city whereas he used to stay with his parents and I had taken up a 1bhk apartment to enjoy my full freedom which comes with lots of challenges. It had been a year in the long distance relationship and gradually I understood that my partner is very intense on sex.
Finally, after moving into the same city we catch up in a café shop and not in my 1 BHK apartment. It was Friday evening and eagerly we were discussing food and arousal. After finishing up the dinner headed towards my flat. We were not ready to leave each other and our hands were intertwined refusing to say goodbye.
Next day I hear a calling bell at 9 am where I was still lazily lying in the bed. I go and open the door and to my surprise, it was my partner. He was carrying a laptop and I wondered might be he wanted to spend time with me. I clearly remember that it was Saturday and was no hurry to get up from the bed to proceed for other chores for the house.
My partner opens up the laptop, I was startled while looking at the screen. He declared that he is there to educate me on sex and bedroom acrobatics after seeing my analysis and my knowledge about the “hush-hush” subject.
In Latin, the word educate or education means to “bring out” and hence he stuck to the idea to bring out the hidden wildness in me. I felt like that I was like a seed and he was my gardener who was providing the right conditions for me to sprout. Lovemaking is a skill, a craft to be learned. And my partner already set the path right for me to bloom and experience the nectar.
It was not easy while for the 1st time as I grew in a society where sex knowledge is considered depraved. I was going through a turmoil inside when he asked to leave my inhibitions and think “Wild.” All my creativity had taken backstage and I went bonkers in my room. I failed to understand what my body needed to seek the ultimate bliss through being physical. I enjoyed the touch, the subtle kiss on the neck and below the ears. The caressing fingers running through my back with the gentle pressing of his chest against mine. The warmth started flowing like molten lava with intimacy was all set right but yet not able to figure out the pathway to be the fire on ice.
I waited for my partner to elaborate and take me through his “educational classes” on spiced sex in the bedroom. A sense of guilt gushed over my heart and I felt my soul being immoral while discussing the likes and dislikes in the act. All thanks of the moral conditioning!
It was an intimate exciting love-filled moment though, but there I was sitting before my partner like a dumb female who had no clues about sexual fantasies and the various “role plays” to be played during the act of sexual pleasures.
We are living under societal domination which means we cling to a certain thought process and very hesitant to leave that. We all learn reading and writing but no one tells us what kind of nourishment our brain will derive from reading or writing similarly we all know how to conjugate but nobody tells us the path we should seek to lead to conjugation.
It was not at all a serendipity that I ended in having my 1st ever orgasm. The route he chose to express, explain and walk me through the desires in itself was praiseworthy and made me leave my moral convictions and hesitations outside the bedroom. After all, I had experienced the conjugal bliss in a more matured and refined way. This complete experience of dissolving the societal morality once inside the bed was a precursor in seeking to discover me.