Pre marital sex is a sin, they say.
“The truth is that wherever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured.”? C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
It had been an year and a half since we started going out. Our love life was booming but there was little or no progress in the other side of our relationship. We kissed a lot and he would play with my bosom. Occasionally, we would go for base 3 but nothing beyond that.
Even in this 21 st century where I drink, go for solo trips, watch adult movies, I could never conceive the idea of pre marital sex for me. The society played a pivotal role in shaping my mindset around pre marital sex being a sin. From childhood to adolescence I came across stories about honour killing and forced marriages just because the girl got pregnant before marriage or any other parochial reason. The very thought of my society not accepting me gave me goosebumps and I would chuck out the thought.
It was valentine’s week. On 10th of Feb, my partner asked me out for a date. I donned on my favourite royal blue figure hugging mini dress with matching pumps. I pulled my hair in a messy bun with natural flicks coming out which gave an amorous look to my face. At sharp 7:30 pm, I heard the car screeching and in 5 mins he was at my door with a bouquet of orchids. His first look was the reward of my efforts.
Halfway through our date, he ran his fingers through my hair locks and caressed my face. He took my hand and kissed it front and back. He shifted his chair so that we could sit next to each other rather than opposite. He looked into my eyes and said “You are beautiful, inside and out. I wanna make love to you.” Even though I wanted the same but my apprehensions clouded my whims and wishes and I refused him.
When he dropped me, he said “You are an independent girl stepping into the realms of womanhood. Cross the threshold and take decisions.” For the next three days I had a debate in my head throughout the day. I was speaking for and against the motion. I made a list of pros and cons. I went through stories on internet about girls who had pre marital sex and how they shed their misgiving. Finally at around midnight of 13th feb I called my partner and said “I am ready”.
“But when a woman decides to sleep with a man, there is no wall she will not scale, no fortress she will not destroy, no moral consideration she will not ignore at its very root:there is not God worth worrying about”
? Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera
Next day, on valentine’s day, he came to my place in the morning looking gay ,obviously. For another hour he couldn’t stop grinning. We had our breakfast after which we sat down on my couch and discussed how we are gonna do it. The methods of safety we are gonna use, what I am going to wear and all. He made me have a heavy lunch so that by evening I would be full of energy.
It was evening. He asked me to wait in the living room and locked my room from inside. I thought it would be for a while but when he didn’t unlock the door for half an hour, I picked up a magazine and delved into it. I was fully engrossed in an article when I felt one hand on my back and the other under my thighs and soon I was up in the air and in my partner’s arms. He kissed my forehead and took me inside the room.
The aisle was bordered with scented candles. The room was filled with rose petals. The bed sheet was off white and a heart was drawn in the centre of the bed with red roses. The room was ready and so was I.
No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment -just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! – an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.”
? Ayn Rand
That night, we broke the barriers created by society. I came to know how I want to make love. My body was talking to me. There was nothing unnatural about it. Instead I felt it to be the most natural thing in the world. To respond to your desires, to seek and give pleasure, to guide your partner and be guided- all made sense to me in those moments. It wasn’t a sin but the highest virtue.